


"The Sheet" or "John arrived at Buckingham Palace only slightly concerned about Sherlock"

by Kalechips110



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, F/M, Hades likes Sherlock's face, M/M, Meta, Mycroft IS the British Government, Mycroft is the Queen, Mycroft standing on Sherlock's sheet, Sherlock is a God, Sherlock knows he is a charcter in my fanfiction, Silly John, Stupidity, The sheet!!!, What everyone wishes would have happened in the palace, do not take this seriously, don't, fanvergent, seriously, sort of, very meta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:58:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6894691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalechips110/pseuds/Kalechips110
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was born out of the boredom of my mind. Do NOT take this seriously. It's just funny and stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"The Sheet" or "John arrived at Buckingham Palace only slightly concerned about Sherlock"

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Sherlock at all ever. I wish that I did, but if I did Johnlock would be canon

John arrived at Buckingham Palace only slightly concerned about Sherlock. Surely his flatmate would behave.  John grinned when he walked in the room. 

“So…” he said as he sat down, “you’re naked in Buckingham Palace with nothing but a sheet?” 

Sherlock regarded him seriously. “Yes John… yes I am.” They burst into laughter as Mycroft walked in.

“Sherlock,” Mycroft barked, “behave!”

“What’s wrong Mycroft?” John giggled, “You don’t want Sherlock naked in your house?”

Sherlock giggled at that.

“No,” Mycroft sighed, “I don’t want him naked in the  _ Queen’s _ house.” Sherlock and John looked at each out and laughed even harder. 

“That’s what John said,” Sherlock managed.

Mycroft rolled his eyes, the only outward sign that he wanted to murder them. “You have a client,” he said coldly.  

After some rather boring and irrelevant conversation, Sherlock stood up rather indignantly.       “I refuse to take on a case in which the client will not speak to me. Good day Mycroft. Come John”

As John stood up and Sherlock began walking away, Mycroft stood on Sherlock’s sheet.  Sherlock caught the sheet mere seconds before he was fully exposed.

“GET OFF MY SHEET MYCROFT!” he growled.

“Or what?’ Mycroft sneered.

“I’ll… I’ll just walk away”

“And I’ll let you,” Mycroft retorted.

John and the irrelevant guy who was there on behalf of their no-show client watched as Sherlock debated what to do.  Mycroft put a hand to his ear.

“Hold on gentlemen.” Mycroft paused as if listening to a voice only he could hear. “It would appear that the fan-girls, Moriarty, and John are begging me not to get off the sheet.”

John spluttered, “I am not….” he rocked on the balls of his feet. “Wait, hold up maybe I am…… I think my sexuality is having a crisis. Check back with you later.”

“Well…..” Mycroft drawled. Except he wasn’t Mycroft anymore, he was Moriarty. “Who am I to deny the people what they want?” With that statement he ripped off the sheet and all those present beheld the glory of Sherlock, who looked awful godlike in the nude. 

Moriarty couldn’t help it and told Sherlock this.

“Sherlock you look like a god. John, doesn’t he look like a god?”

“Oh yes, he does…” John agreed, licking his lips, realizing that there was never a chance for him to be straight. 

“Which god do you think he looks like?” Moriarty inquired, and the two debated a bit before agreeing on Hades.

“Sherlock,” Moriarty declared, “John and I think you look like Hades, and that is that.”

All of the sudden the irrelevant guy turned into a hulking fire monster and said, “I do agree with you puny mortals. From now on when I walk the earth I shall look like Benedict Cumberbatch!” and with that he flew off.

Sherlock ran over to John and squeaked, “OMG!  John did you hear that??  Hades said he liked my face!”

“I wonder if he liked your dick,” John said, “he better have cause you’re soooo hot.”

“John you are so romantic.” Sherlock sighed, annoyed. “Stop being so obvious.”

Moriarty grinned, “Maybe you should stop being so obvious.” He laughed as he reached for Sherlock.  

John then turned on Moriarty and stood between him and Sherlock. “You stay away from my Sherlock!” he snarled. 

“Thought you weren’t gay,” Sherlock said with a wry grin. 

“...I wasn’t.  And then I was... and I don’t know why.”

Moriarty grinned at Sherlock. “We know why,” he drawled, “it’s because the writers made you deny it too much. The way you act around Sherlock causes the fans to ship you even more than they did before--”

“Because the fan girls really wanted you to be gay.” Sherlock interrupted him, “Their desire overruled canon and VIOLA! You’re gay and we’re together.” 

John nodded slowly, “Ok,” he said as he wrapped his arms around Sherlock, “so the fans want this?” and he kissed Sherlock with an intensity that took them both by surprise. 

When John broke off for air, Sherlock said, “It’s not just the fans,” as he looked down at their erections. John stepped away from Sherlock, bewildered. 

“Sherlock, I was dressed when I kissed you. Where are my clothes? And how did they get off of me when I didn’t take them off….?” 

“Silly John.” Sherlock shook his head ruefully as he embraced John. 

“Haven’t you figured anything out by now?” Moriarty drawled. 

“He’s slow,” Sherlock told Moriarty. “I love my John but sometimes he’s painfully slow.” Sherlock grinned at John’s indignant expression. 

“Fine I’m slow, what the bloody hell happened?” 

Moriarty grinned, “The writer clearly wants the Johnlock to happen, but is either inexperienced at writing the undressing scene or just doesn’t have the patience.” 

John looked exasperated. “If the writer wants me and Sherlock together, what the fuck are you still doing here?!?!” 

Sherlock sighed, “It’d be far too simple if it was just us. This way it’s interesting. Besides, Moriarty is in love with me too. And... Oh… It just hit me, I might be in love with him too.” Sherlock frowned, “I wish this writer would make up her mind as to what she wants.” 

John grabbed Sherlock’s hand and started walking. “Come on, Sherlock.  I don’t want to stay here with  _ him _ .” 

“But Johnnnnn…..” Sherlock whinned, “I don’t want to go! I like him…. Actually i love him.” 

“I thought you loved me?!?!” 

“I love you for being loyal and idolizing me and making me feel smart. I love him because he’s the only person who can match me in intelligence.” 

“WELL YOU HAVE TO PICK!!” Moriarty and John yelled at him simultaneously. 

All of the sudden the TARDIS materialized and a VERY naked Irene Adler stepped out. 

“He doesn’t have to choose because he’s coming with me.” 

“And why would I do that?” Sherlock asked cheerily. 

“Because i’m the only person you’ve never been able to deduce.” and with that she grabbed his hand and led him into the TARDIS, and they disappeared, flying through time and space.

The End..?

**Author's Note:**

> If I get bored again there might be an even stupider second bit.  
> This is my first fic and I wish it was a proper fic but ya. I hope it made you laugh. I laughed a lot while making it.


End file.
